The other day I gave a talk to couples about sexuality and someone asked me what a “P” spot was and without thinking I assumed they were talking about the “G” spot in women since that is the question I am usually asked. However, what I believe they were asking about is the male “G” spot which is the term most often used; “P” spot is correct but it is a term less frequently used.

The male “G” spot is located internally which is about 2 inches inside the anus on the front wall of the rectum, just below the bladder. This is where the walnut sized prostate gland is located and stimulating this gland can produce a much more intense orgasm for the man. Many men feel shy about having their prostate massaged but once they get over the hurdle of embarrassment many men enjoy the experience immensely.

Please remember that cleanliness is very important when anal play is involved. Make sure to wash your hands and especially the penis if there is to be vaginal penetration after anal sex. This will prevent infections.

Science tells us that generally women do not like the way men smell unless they are ovulating. Very light cologne or aftershave isn’t a bad idea when dating. During the fertile time of month women tend to be attracted to male scents (pheromones, HLA genes) that tell them who is most compatible with their immune systems. The more diverse and dissimilar a guy’s immune system is from your own, the more attractive his BO is to you when you might be hunting out sperm to fertilize your egg. After all, if you’re going to go through the trouble of having a rug rat, you want a healthy strong one who can withstand all of the germs, pollutants, viruses, etc. in the environment.

Some research has shown that the pill seems to interfere with this pheromone selection process. Pill-packing people may pick poor partners from a bio diversity perspective. Women on the pill find scents that indicate similar HLA genes, such as Cousin Charlie, instead of new guy, Ned. Some psychologists will recommend going off the pill for a few months before shopping for Mr. Right-Daddy.

The good news is that once you fall in love with someone, their scent miraculously becomes perfume-like regardless of their HLA Genes. Emotional attachment trumps it all, except for a guy wearing half a bottle of any cologne, no matter how expensive it is- yuck.

As a marriage counselor and sex therapist, one of the most common complaints I hear about from couples is the disparity in their sexual interest. Generally, the male is far and away more interested in having sex more often. Factoring out age differences, physical health, prior trauma, etc. males have sex on the brain most of the time, and evolved to have testosterone as their primary hormone. This assures survival of the species. Females have less testosterone, but enough to find a mate and produce offspring, especially since she is regularly chased around the bedroom until she says ‘yes.’ Luckily, orgasms are not necessary for fertility.

Fantasy, however, plays a huge part in a woman’s participation and enjoyment of sex. Often you hear men saying that they try to think about baseball or something non-sexual to stall off premature ejaculation. This rarely works, as most men will tell you. However, ask a woman what happens if she should think about baseball or anything non-sexual and blammo!, the party’s over. Women need to have a rolodex of sexual fantasies in their heads to help them keep this focus on sex and not on the grocery list. Romance novels provide women with a fresh supply of sexual scenes and scenarios which they can call up once the action begins. A juicy novel may even lead her to want to seek out her mate to try out some of the things she’s read about. It’s a win-win win situation!

Most people don’t know the mechanics of penile erections so therefore, they have trouble understanding erectile dysfunction. Oh yes, most people know that blood becomes trapped in the penis when it is stimulated – just like a balloon becomes hard when air is trapped inside. What is ironic is that when a penis is in a flaccid state the erectile tissue is actually in a moderate state of contraction, which allows just enough blood flow to keep the penile tissue alive and healthy. When sexually stimulated, the smooth muscles inside the penis actually relax. This relaxation allows more blood to flow into the area, causing tumescence (a fancy way to say: the penis will swell and become erect).

While the above description is very basic, it serves as a starting point for understanding erectile dysfunction. It also illustrates how “trying harder” (excuse the pun) to have an erection can only worsens the problem. Most muscles in the body become harder when you tense-up or flex them, and therefore many men try to follow their natural inclination to tense up when trying to obtain an erection. However, tensing the muscles in the pelvis, abdomen, and legs only restricts blood flow to the area and makes it even more difficult to achieve the desired result.

Remember, the smooth muscles need to relax in order to allow the penis to fill with blood and become hard. Erections are best achieved when the man is relaxed and enjoying the sensations of arousal. By allowing your penis the freedom to become erect in its own good time, you can have a better sexual experience. Tumescence cannot be forced, willed, rushed, or hurried along, so sit back and allow your penis to do its own thing, in its own good time…actually, in this respect the penis is a lot like a woman!

Welcome to “Did You Know?” by Dale Milner. Please be patient since this part of the site is new and under construction. I will be using this page to bring you interesting, important, curious, and sometimes funny issues that relate to mental health and well being.

I hope you check back often, and take a few moments to see what’s new.

Sincerely,

Dale